A Bitter Pill to Swallow
"About 80 years ago, my grandfather had a farm on the Canadian prairies - homesteading they called it, but it was failing. Winters are bitter on the Canadian prairies and Grandpa decided to leave. He left for the greener grasses of British Columbia. Grandma, pregnant, stayed behind with the kids. He told her he would send for her when he had a job and they would begin a better life. That call never came. The family asked him "What, you took off and left her all alone."
Grandpa answered "Hell no, I left her with the kids."
"I cashed in bonds my parents saved from the time I was born to help N realize his dream of owning his own landscaping business and certainly wish I could take that decision back now. In the end, I was $15,000 in debt by the time he was done with me and my credit ruined of course however my N was a drug addict so the finances took an unusually hard hit."
"These guys will damage your credit, put you in thousands of dollars in debt, collection agencies will be at your door, you won't have a penny to your name when they are done."
"I'm sitting in a house with no furniture and with a for sale sign in the yard. I planned on living here with my husband. I planned on filling it with children. I had the visions of the swing set in the back yard. This is a house with 4 floors. Every room was filled with furniture that I worked very hard for and that I inherited from loved ones. Today, I watched it go to its new owners at an auction."
"I was with this guy for 3 torturous years. When my daughter's dad was killed in a motor vehicle accident she came to live with me again. I told the N I really needed him to step up to the plate and support me and my daughter through this very challenging time. I told him exactly what I needed, what I expected and that if he could not follow through, that I would have to leave. To this date it was like I was having an out-of-body experience. He reported me to social sevices for child endangerment because I yelled at her, talked to my estate lawyer into quitting my case and left me and my daughter with no money and no home and then took personal belongings from my dead husbands home. This guy is a monster. It is done - FINISHED. No phone calls, no missing him. If anyone out there thinks they can love an N into recovery they need recovery themselves. These N's are animals - cruel to the core. RUN!!!!!!!! Don't look back and NEVER EVER GO BACK!!!!!"
"I went to the Dr. and he said that there was an 85% chance that I would miscarry that I should go home and stay in bed. N accused me of lying! He said that I made the whole thing up so I could lay on the couch and watch TV and read all day! My mother helped me a lot or I probably would have miscarried because N did all he could to create situations so I would have to get up."
"He stole from me when I was in hospital having our second baby. He took 2000 pounds from the joint account. So much for savings and overtime. This wrecked what was meant to be a happy event."
"I never saw it coming but he actually has it where I have no friends, no job, no money. I actually had to rely on this b*stard for everthing."
LEVELLING DISCUSSION
"This week a person I know committed suicide, which has caused considerable shock among our friends. He was an unrecovering alcoholic, who my friends had tried to help but Lou's best buddy was a P and sabotaged the constuctive efforts. Personality disordered people have such a terrible impact on the world around them!
"It's a horror. I really do believe that the personality disordered will use anything - gambling, alcohol, drugs, tobacco as a tool to manipulate the target and to create 'levelling' - getting the target to weaken in resolve. For instance - taking the alcoholic down the steet where their favorite bar is, or giving a chocolate bar to a person on a diet, or remind a drug addict what a 'high' is like, or get into a screaming argument with mud slinging comments - baiting us to respond with retaliatory accusations and sarcasm. NPs are the worst people to be around when we're fighting to quit drinking, smoking or lose weight. I heard Dr. Phil refer to this as levelling - the NP wants the target levelled down to the NP's level. We may have few friends, and find the NP the only available person at this time. The NP, of course, offers zero support. The NP enjoys their ability to sway people in the wrong direction very much.
"Each time I felt a little better and somedays even managed to do some non essential things, P would see this and kick me again until i darn't leave the house/bed unless I had to.... He needed me to be a pathetic wreck. I even invented an illness for myself 'backpain' so if any family or friends called unannounced and caught me with out the painted smile.... they would go away saying 'poor dear her back is really getting her down, she is looking so withdrawn and tired'. NOBODY knew the truth because everytime I tried to tell someone and they got involved or challenged him HE HAD ALL THE ANSWERS prepared and made me look like an unstable drama queen."
"Ps will go to great lengths to keep us down. And, they know every dirty trick in the book. This 'levelling' process of keeping targets down takes many different forms like the notorious smear campaigns, financial dependence, lies, psychological abuse. So much treachery to dominate someone and reduce them down to the P's level."
"They want to see others at their level of bad judgment and immature behaviour. Levelling. That's a major insight!! That's exactly what I was talking about in the thread about Ns not allowing innocence and having to reclaim one's innocence after detaching, being a savvy innocent. It's coming back from the xN's intention to level one, into the gutter where they are. I know exactly what it's like to be on the receiving end of leveling!!! Once we begin to see what the NP is up to we can distance ourselves much better."
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