"The D&D is the most horrific experience one can even imagine...and most of us have remarkable imaginations. So there we are, standing rooted to the spot in complete insanity as we try to reformulate a construction of reality that makes sense to us. And the more we try, the more lost we become because there is no balance between the two divided worlds of the narcissist."
"When he left me I was sick to my stomach that he would meet a girl and up and leave me for her just like that."
"I am a doctor...of all things, and the N nearly cost me my career. I ended up bedridden with depression. You are reacting normally to an abnormal situation. It is devastating, but have faith. You can recover. The key is NO CONTACT. It took time but one year of NC and I am back practicing ful time and living life. It has been a long and difficult raod. If not for this board and the love of my 3 wonderful children, I am not certain to have gotten here."
"Think about how picky your partner was about what he could or couldn't be associated with... his first glimpse of you, his first ideal of you was idealized, but MUCH closer to reality than his complete devaluation of you by the end... This is what is so hard, the extreme swings between hyper idealizing and then complete devaluation. You have to remember who YOU are, what beliefs, values and behaviors you had BEFORE him... that's YOU."
"When you are the sane one in the relationship, and the crazy one dumps you and ignores you, you feel like the freak."
"The greatest revenge is not letting him see that you give a damn."
"I fell to my knees after three days battling suicidal thoughts and complete destruction of everything I had believed to be real, to be true, to be reciprocated. And then, something most miraculous happened to me at a point of utter surrender when the last of my human power to manage my own life had failed me. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was NOT alone...and had never been despite my refusal to admit powerlessness and dependency upon others for my life."
"Never, ever forget that they TOTALLY drain you...emotionally, physically and sometimes financially. You do not even know who you are any longer as they methodically take over your basic being. Stay as far away as possible and love yourself again!!! The very smart ones use you up SLOWLY and deliberately.... you may not even know what is going on until they suddenly crush you by abruptly leaving for no reason."
"NPs particularly favor emotional types who are in touch with their feelings as targets. Two reasons - they are such a rich source of NS and they are easiest to spot. And, at the end of a relationship they can stir up more NS with their cruelty. So, what do we do? We need to shut down that emotional part of ourselves to heal and detach from them. Now isn't that just the darndest thing?"
"These people don't deserve one more minute of our time and being away from them will eventually prove that hard-learned point."
"When I would go away for several days stbxN would be calling people and filling his time before I'd even left the driveway. Even then I sometimes had an "out of sight, out of mind" feeling -- and noted how quickly I got replaced."
"Happy, charming at first, then you face the devalue phase pulling the rug out from under you when you least expect it. Then you find out about the lies and manipulations, and you wonder how someone would continue to torment you with a Jekyll and Hyde behavior. They convince you that its because you're not what they want after all."
"It hurts to know I was nothing to him but available and easy NS."
"When I look back at my marriage, I can see with that wonderful 20/20 hindsight that it was doomed right from the getgo, but I couldn't see that - not until I had learned about mental illnesses and healed somewhat and had that wonderful distance perspective that comes from the No Contact. All his relationships ended by his own "bad judgement" and "inability to cope in a close personal relationship" that are the hallmark of the NP."
"Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse and go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction behind them."
"It is coming to terms with the fact that you mean and meant absolutely nothing to that person that you loved so much. I left my N two months ago and I still cry myself to sleep everynight..he is still the first thing I think of in the mornings, weekends - especially Sunday nights are the worst. Then I think what am i missing...I am missing the hope and dreams of what I thought he was and not what he actually is...and then I hurt all over again...and even though the pain has not gone away..it has dulled and the waves of intense pain are less and less with every passing day."
"Sometimes hiding out is all you can do until you reach a place inside you where your own mind has re-surfaced and the N's diabolical hold upon your psyche has waned."
"Closure brings peace of mind. Discarding my N was the mindset I arrived at & knew I had to do it. It was my last & only option, it has freed me from his emotional hold on me. I now truly do have peace of mind & that's worth more to me than just about anything!"
"This grief is no ordinary grief. Not only do you lose your partner, but you also lose yourself. Only another survivor can understand the pain."
"It is our very nature to want closure and get some understanding of the reasons why our relationships end in such an incomprehensible way. Nothing makes sense. We're pulled left and right by conflicting emotions and facts. The closure never comes from the NP. That's our job. It's hard. We need to give our psyches a little twist. We need to devalue and discard the NP mentally. That means we have to be very emotionally strong. We have to do that when we're at our weakest times. Now isn't that just the damnest thing?"
"I have been slowly coming to accept the fact that there is absolutely NOTHING that I can do to help him. It's just so painful to realize that I have to 'give up' on someone I one loved."
"Ns get an equal amount of Narcissistic Supply out of seeing you in writhe in agony at their hands as they do seeing you adore them. Once they have devalued you, they may actually get more supply from causing you grief."
"I witnessed his brutal breakup with his girlfriend. I remember thinking to myself that one day he was going to do the same thing to me. I still married him 3 months later. And sure 'nuf, he did the same thing to me 19 years later."
"When you're discarded overnight by a psychopath/narcissist you are stunned and confused by the realization that it didn't matter how much time you spent with him or not, how nice you were or not, and how much you gave to him or not -- that's what's so cold and mindboggling."
"N would lob a bomb at me about every 30 days in the beginning of his leaving and the D&D.The first year, it almost destroyed me. Each time I would begin to settle down, then I would become apprehensive, as I knew the 30 days was coming up and I waited nervously for the next bomb."
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