Funny You Should Ask...
"Evil N owns an apartment/office complex. The top floor apartments were vacant last winter so the N decided that to save $, he would turn off the heat in the empty apartments. This is CANADA in WINTER you Numb Nuts!!! So, of course, the pipes froze and burst. The apartments below were flooded and the tenants had to be evacuated. Incidently, one office suite was occupied by the N's lawyer. I heard the N's lawyer was furious as he lost valuable documents and he and the other lawyers and clerical staff spent a great deal of time trying to save other documents. Carpets had to be replaced, walls had to be torn out and replaced - it was a major financial fiasco just to save a few bucks in heating.
So guess what - the N does again this year?? Yup. You got it! Ns don't learn their lessons very well. He again turned the heat off. The N complained that he had to get up at 4 am because the pipes froze and burst again in that building. The N's lawyer is in Florida. He gets back next week to find out that he's got the exact same situation on his hands again! Hey, when you represent the devil, there's hell to pay!"
"Yes, they are omnipotent all right. At least they think so. My xN is 6'4", 250 pounds, bald, scary looking. Years ago when it sounded like someone was breaking in our house late one night, he ran and hid in our walk-in closet, leaving me and the baby to fend for ourselves. Yet, he would be menacing and mean with us and other members of his family."
"When I was really sick, and under a terminal diagnosis, they ask me to find a local doc to be a "gate keeper" for me and have someone at the local hospital if I ended up there in an emergency. I found a new doc in town who came from the Mayo Clinic, and he was familiar with my primary diseases and the side effects of my meds.
This was a rare time my XHP went to an appointment with me. As we waited to see the doc he went all over the waiting room and picked up brochures on every disease available. He looked them all over carefully and put them in his officious looking brief case. I was on full time oxygen and had to carry an IV with me full time and I'm sure I freightened other patients waiting. When we got into an exam room and the doc came in with my foot thick file in his hand, my XHP jumped up and said "doc I have all these diseases" waiving all the brochures. The doc looked him over, threw my file on his desk and said "Lady, you get off that table, can't you see he is in terrible condition." My XHP just looked at him and then at me, like, why wasn't I moving and letting him sit there. The doc was stunned. Could he (XHP) really be that self centered and stupid? YES.... It's all about them."
"Most of the time i didn't receive gifts, but once on my birthday I got 3 Stephen King paperbacks that were ones he had already read! another time i got a candle from the 99 cent store. oh....and once after a nasty fight I received a card that he had gotten from the hallmark store for free--it was a card that spoke about breast cancer awareness! he actually signed it and gave it to me!"
"All weekend, N was all over me ... "What do you want for Christmas? Do you want jewelry? Do you want to go on a cruise? Do you want me to arrange for us to visit your mother (who lives on the other side of the country) for Thanksgiving? Do you want a new car?" I said no to everything because every time I've taken him up on a generous offer in the past, I've truly regretted it. I practically had to peel him off me last night ... he was dripping sweetness all over me.
Today, I went to the dentist. Turns out the lost filling was just the tip of the iceberg. Because of all the damage to the tooth, the dentist said he would strongly advise a crown. I agreed to it (we have dental insurance that will pay 50% for the crown) When N found out that I was having a crown put on, he HIT HIT HIT the roof! He went on and on about how stupid and irresponsible I am and how this is going to ruin Christmas for us. He then went on to threaten me with everything under the sun before finally (and blessedly) giving me the silent treatment. I called the doctor to find out how much the crown was (which I hadn't done before) and they said it would be ... $900! All that over $900, of which the insurance will pay half, when the night before, he was ready to buy me the Hope diamond!"
"LOL - I thought I was married to the world's stupidest N. My NH really is gifted at starting new businesses. He started up his business and in only a few years had built it up into a recognized 'empire.' Well, those were the days of double-digit inflation. His tradesmen wanted a raise. They wanted 10 cents an hour more than he was willing to pay them. So, he fired the whole lot of them!!! He was back to running a business by himself turning down all the business he had worked so hard to build up.
Wife #3 was a forensic accountant. She discovers wife #2 has been fiddling with the books. Wife 3 is shrewd and gets a hold of shares in the business. Then, Canada comes up with capital gains laws she takes advantage of, has the business declared at some unrealistic value and cleans him out at the divorce, leaving him holding nothing but the business (she got the cash, cars, house, trucks).
"After divorce #3, he now has no accountant. So, he hires his brother. This brother is a notorious gambler. Needless to say the brother absconds with over $50,000 of the company's $$. So, he's lost everything because of his divorces and his brother. His son, the N from hell, also works for him. Everybody in the family warned him about his son. N hates paying income tax so he sells shares in the business to his son. Dad wants to retire and and they hire lawyers and mediate a pension agreement. Guess what -- his son repudiates the agreement and cuts off his pension."
"I was working in a shop in my town about 6 yrs ago. I had to deal with the public and one day this nicely dressed man comes in and approaches me to ask me for help ...
He said his car had broken down and his wife and kids were in the car, but he had no money and they couldn't get home. This man was well dressed and spoke very well and I had no reason to question him, at all. He went on for 10 mins. about how his debt card would not work and he thought his child was getting sick and his wife was very upset... on and on, extremely convincing !!! He asked me if I'd loan him $25 dollars to get home? He said he'd mail me the money when he got back. He was so concerned about getting my address and phone number and making sure he got it right so he could repay me. Once he had gone, a person I was working with came back into the room, I told her about him and she said, "Oh, yea he is a con and he got $25 dollars out of me too a couple of months ago".
Fast forward a year later, I am sitting in my car and he approaches me, I remember him, he didn't remember me !! I let him do his whole story, then I said to him, actually you owe me $25 dollars from the last time you tried to scam me and I'm now going to call the cops ! His mask came off so fast, it was bizarre. He went from this sweet, helpless, kind, nice looking guy, into a complete monster, in about 1 second. He started screaming at me and calling me a bitch and a loser and everything else.
Fast forward about a year and a half later, again I'm walking in my town and he approachs me, again he didn't remember me, but I remembered HIM ! He started to do his sob story and I told him he was Con and a N and what a low life piece of .... This time he was stunned, he was speechless, he had just had his mask ripped off so to speak by me. He just walked away dumb founded and slithered away. It felt so good to call this Con / N just exactly what he was. The reaction was so different than the second time, I think because I didn't let him tell his sob story and convince himself that he was some how a victim (in his twisted mind). I think possibly they talk themselves into believing their own B.S."
"On Valentine's day he made a bouquet of roses out of tin foil that actually looked really good. He sprayed them with my favorite perfume and put them in a vase. I thought it was sweet until he told me he had once done this for another girl and she had loved it too."
"I keep reading other posts about how good looking your Ps are. Mine was Butt ugly. Bald, glasses, grossly overweight, rotten teeth, and his back has more hair than a Diane Fosse documentary, that is just the physical ugly, I don't need to discuss the mental ugly, ya'll know. When I met him back before the invention of the wheel, he had hair, was trim and wore contacts. He always had bad teeth and a hairy back. I saw a recent picture and he has more chins than a Chinese phonebook."
"My N came to see me when I was in the hospital cancer unit when it looked like things were really grim. All my friends knew how serious it was, so they gathered around. I was having convulsions from the medication, and feeling terrible... so my N partner said:
"I'm going home. You won't throw a good birthday party for me" - seriously."
"My NH is what I call "computer blind". He is so frightened of the fact that he lacks the skills necessary to manipulate the computer as he manipulates peoples minds that he will not even switch it on. He refuses to learn how to use a computer because he says the windows should be set out differently so he can understand them. He says that computers are useless and only break down just when he needs them. He thinks he is capable of causing catastrophic computer malfunctions in supermarkets and other businesses in order to cause confusion just by using his mind."
"The "N" patrol. I'm going to get a bunch of "N"s with sticky backs on them and stick them on every man's back I think is an "N". If you see one walking around with an "N" on his back....run...run as fast as you can."
"I am in the process of divorcing the N. Last week I refinanced the house to buy him out. The XN is almost 40 years old and decided to move into his mommy's home which is in one of the worst ghettos in Los Angeles. The N makes good money and has absolutely no debt. I handed him a check for almost $50,000. I told him, "You know this is the equity in the house which was always meant to be used for our son's college education, please invest it wisely." Yesterday he comes to pick up my son in his brand new BMW. That's right...he blew $50,000 on a new car while he's living in his mommy's bedroom in the heart of East LA. Great investment!!!"
"One night for the helluvit, I said to him "How do you feel about emotions?" He raged for 2 hrs - I got it all on tape. Amazing!! I can't wait to let his therapist hear it."
"He planned to be in the CIA. He planned many companies. He came up with all sorts of inventions. Designed risque clothing for women. Strangely, he would become these people during the planning process. For the world take over, he would wear army fatigue-like clothing. When he was coming up with companies, he would wear a suit jacket. Always with a hat. The man was obsessed with hats. I suggested one time that since he had so many ideas that he should write novels. He started writing one about kidnapping an Afican leader and then decided that it was possible and began planning how to do it for real."
"I live on the coast. He would put together elaborate plans on how he could take over one of the smaller inhabited islands and secede from the US. The plans were very elaborate. Usually they involved a heirarchical structure with him at the top. He would outline the dollars needed, equipment, people, media, all sorts of stuff. Then, he would show me his plans. I thought it was a joke, so I would make joking minor suggestions...which, of course, were not well accepted. I came to realize through our conversations that these were all things that he actually thought were possible, and he wanted to do."
One time the truck's starter went out. He, of course, couldn't bother to get under it so he gve me the starter and told me how to change it. I am under the truck, and when I take the starter off, these two metal inserts fall out. So I asked him, "What are these for?" He said they weren't important, and to just throw them away. (?) So I did. Then put on the new starter. I got out, he started up the truck, and the starter stuck, grinding and humming, and smoking. Ruined the new starter. I called a mechanic, while the exN stood outside, kicking the truck, cussing and throwing screwdrivers. The mechanic told me "Those inserts are there so that the starter isn't too close to the fly wheel, thereby stopping it from smoking and buzzing. Well, I had to go out and tell him what they were for. Another trip to the auto parts store, for another $53.00 starter, and two inserts. He got so mad whenever he screwed up something, and I had to tell him what was wrong. It played hell with his "stock car driver extraordinaire " image lol
"As for disgusting behavior, he would actually pick his nose anywhere and look at it! Looking at retrieved ear wax, belching and slurping food was also done anytime, anywhere!"
The weirdest gift I've ever had...when he left ('cos I told him to)... shortly returned with a gift for me...he said it was the most sentimental thing he owned, & he wanted me to have it. ??? He was standing on my doorstep...holding what looked like a club behind his back resting on the ground... For a brief moment, my life flashed before my eyes, & I calmy thought..."this is it, he's flipped, he's going to beat me to death". I knew he was a P... he knew I knew. It had been a very bizzare situation, where for once, I had come out unscathed by a P. It was a 130 year old wooden leg...???!!!
"When we married we had traditional gold bands. Six months later, well, it was over. When I did n-dip, trying to 'cure' him he wasn't wearing his ring. He told me he had 'put it away'. To make a short story long, he hadn't put it away, he had driven out to a field, crushed it with his pliers and thrown it away. He proceeded to tell me "Well, I put it FAR away". It hurt me to the core. He had done this with at least 2 other wives."
He asked me to marry him and build an addition on his house with my own $ and take care of him...that's a quote. If this was on Jerry Springer they'd think it was made up!"
"I thought the family had some unusual habits and my MIL was always in a hurry during food preparation. Sometimes, my MIL would serve a half grapefruit at the beginning of the meal. She would cut it in half but never cut the sections or the fruit from the skin. It was a family ritual to use a spoon to scoop out the fruit and the idea was to squirt oneself in the eye or squirt the person sitting next to you as much as possible. At first I thought this was a joke, but they were dead serious."
"The MIL proclaimed that all whole turkeys should be cooked for 2 hours. The rule was 2 hours no matter what size the turkey. Never mind if the turkey came with a pop up thermometer. That was ignored. As a consequence the turkey would be carved showing the inside raw and sometimes partially frozen. The N and his alleged N brother would swoon over how wonderful it was while I would stare at it in shock in my plate. I wouldn't eat it and that angered the family."
"A girl was in her house with her friend when she heard a knock at the door. She looked out and there was her N boyfriend. At the same time, the dog was barking at the back door to come in. "Who are you going to let in first?" asked the friend "The dog of course." she replied "At least he'll shut up as soon as I open the door!"
"How do you drown a narcissist?"
Answer: Put a mirror at the bottom of the swimming pool.
"How do you stump a narcissist?"
Answer: Ask them to describe empathy.
"How do you end a conversation with a narcissist?"
Answer: Start talking about yourself.
A priest, a teacher, a millionaire, and a narcissist were golfing together. As they walked the course, they came up behind a foursome that was moving very slowly, and that didn't offer to let them play through. Calling over the club pro, the foursome inquired about the poor sportsmanship of the slow group. The pro explained that the slow golfers were blind. The priest said, Oh, bless them, I will keep them in my prayers. The teacher said, I will tell my students how inspiring they are. The millionaire said, I will offer to pay their greens fees for the year. The narcissist said, Why can't they play at night?
"What do you call a narcissist buried in sand up to his neck?"
A. A good start
B. Not enough sand
"Why won't a vampire attack a narcissist?"
Answer: Professional courtesy
If, a few years after your wife dies, your Christmas present to your oldest son is a pen having a picture of a woman whose clothes disappear when you turn the pen upside down, and the card says "For Christmas yet to come" with the word "come" underlined, and you get upset with him when he doesn't think it's very funny,
you just might be a narcissist!
If your gift to your younger son is a pocket-sized set of socket wrenches, the kind the AAA gives away, and when the son laughs at it, you scream at him "Those are Japanese steel! The best in the world!",
you just might be a narcissist!
If, after all the gifts have been opened and you are burning the wrapping paper in the fireplace and your 4-year old comes up to you and hands you a drawing he made with his new paint set and you throw it in the fire, and the child bursts into tears and you say "Now what's the matter?!" and he says "you just burned my drawing!" and you say "So go make another one!",
you just may be a narcissist!
If you come home every night and toss a huge rubber-banded wad of cash onto your young son's lap and say "here you go" while quickly ordering him to give it back,
you just might be a narcissist!
And finally, if one night the son gets fed up and peels off a bill from the wad you tossed and you let out a scream that rattles the windows while flying across the room to tear it out of his hands, then take my word for it my friend,
you just might be a narcissist!
Got your Red Flag Manual?
Got your P detector glasses on?
Got your portable lie detector?
Got your torch to dispense with the need for "Gaslighting"?
Bizzare Member's Messages
"I've told him it's over several times now."
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The One-Trick Pony:
NPs can appear to be authorities In everything. In fact, they often dont' know their arse from a hole in the ground...
"Mine had purchased anti-bacterial dishwashing soap for use up at the lake home. It was my first time up there and I told him that since there's a septic system up there the last thing in the world he should be doing is killing the bacteria that process the waste. He laughed at me and asked if I had a degree in chemistry and I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about stuff like that. Apparently he's now warning all the neighbours that they shouldn't use anti-bacterial soaps because of the septic systems.
Ideas I had, while married, great ideas, I thought, were brushed off like they were last years news."
"Now I haven't even been gone for a month---he has matching bedroom furniture---told me we couldn't afford it), and lots of other new furniture, but the best one is my wanting to get the kitchen chairs recovered. He said it was totally unnecessary--they did not need recovering--told me that for up to five years---(I didn't ask for much over the years--but I did want that).......now--he has the chairs away getting recovered. What a fine idea! I moved out July 1--the chairs went for recovering July 10th---I bet he is SO glad he THOUGHT of it!"
"God, I thought my N was the only one who did that. The one I remember the most, was about taking our son on a Disney Cruise. My son and I had gone shopping one day and walked by a travel agency. My son saw a Disney Cruise brochure out front of the agency, and asked if he could take one. (He was 4 at the time) We brought it home, and looked at it together, and there were some packages that were very affordable for us. I asked the N about it, showed him the brochure, and he brushed me off. A fews days later, when he was in a better mood, I brought it out again, and said "Wouldn't this be nice? The have a program for the kids, so we could have some time alone. Let's save and go next year" Again, total brush off, wouldn't even look at the brochure. I put it in the recycle bin, and my son would keep taking it out, saying "Mommy, this isn't garbage!" My heart broke for him, he was so excited looking at the pictures, and my ex could have easily afforded to take our family away for a week. But.....I see now, it wasn't HIS idea. Therefore it was crap. Because, a year later, about a month after we split, during a phone call, he said "Guess what? I am planning on taking Troy on a Disney Cruise!" As if it was the first time it had ever been mentioned in our lives. Wasn't he a great dad for thinking of it?"
Moral of the Story - Credit your N with your great ideas - Or, get away from the N (way better eh)
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